Tabloid article: Mazza of God!

*this is a fictional news article based on the nativity written for my first year Writing unit assignment.


Religious cult icon, Mazza, last night gave birth to the long awaited ‘son of God’ in a stable in Bethlehem, only partially shielded from her fanatic followers.


Finding Bethlehem full to bursting, Mary Isaacs, 14, and House of David hubby, Joseph, 22, were forced to take shelter in a publican’s stable last night after travelling to the city for the National Census. Heavily pregnant Mazza has been dubbed the ‘mother of God’ since her claims earlier in the year to be impregnated by the Archangel Gabriel¾ but still a virgin. Religious cult, the Zoroastrians, have dogged her ever since, last night invading Bethlehem with flocks of sheep in tow and gifts for the ‘king of kings’.


3 astronomers ¾the self-titled ‘magi’ of the Z-cult ¾ also arrived at the stable, claiming to have followed a bright star above the city to bear witness to the parthenogenesis [virgin birth]. The magi set up guards around the stable within hours of his birth started viewings of the child, named Jesus. Insiders say that the son of God’s first cot is nothing more than a manger.


But the questions in everyone’s minds are obvious: is this the son of God or is Mazza just the victim of Theonatal Syndrome as diagnosed? Will King Herod hold true to his threats of the slaughter of every boy child under two? And ¾ should Jesus survive¾ will the Roman Council force Joseph to take a paternity test to settle the debate once and for all? Watch this space…

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